Excuse
by TheTrainTicket
Summary: Yes, it was a poor decision.  Yes, I should have ran the other direction.  I should never have looked back.  But what would you have done?


**Yeah, so… I love Kleptoshipping… a lot. I think that in terms of personality, it's pretty similar to Tendershipping, the whole innocent/sadist aspect, at least. Except it's a bit more scandalous because Yugi would have to turn back on his morals.**

**Oh, and I want this fic to be fast-paced. **

**Excuse**

Don't judge me.

You don't know what I've been through. Well, maybe you do, but still don't judge me.

Yes, it was a poor decision. Yes, I should have ran the other direction. I should never have looked back.

But what would you have done?

It's… funny. Looking back, it all seemed so harmless. I never thought I'd end up in the place I'm in today.

I'm talking about the Millennium Puzzle and how tampering with it lead me to betraying all my friends. Or they betrayed me, depending on how you look at it. But it doesn't matter – I still feel regret.

I thought that solving the Millennium Puzzle would make things better. I thought my wish would come true and I would start to fit in. This seemed to happen at first. Honda, Anzu, Jonouchi – they all came to me because of Duel Monsters. We had different reasons for being at Pegasus's tournament, but they were there with _me._

Then after Duelist Kingdom… everyone started to drift. I wasn't normal, they said. They all loved me – but my other self – it was all too weird for them.

Sorry, but they just couldn't stay.

They didn't understand my connection to a spirit, nor did they want to. Who could blame them, I guess. I would probably have been frightened as well, if it wasn't happening to me.

But it still hurt all the same.

First Honda left, and then Jonouchi stopped returning my phone calls. I guess I should've known that they weren't going to stay for long. They never did understand my interest in ancient Egyptian magic. To them, this was all just a game.

But I never expected Anzu to leave. Or maybe I never _wanted_ her to leave. I love her, after all. I always have. And now she was gone.

I had never felt so alone in my life.

The only ones left were grandpa and my other self. I do love my grandpa… but I need friends. People who don't just love me because I'm a member of their family, but because I'm _me._

Is that selfish?

My other self was supportive, but I had grown to hate him. He had scared away all my friends. Because of him, I was lonelier now more than ever.

Perhaps it was that feeling of weakness that had caused me to go astray…

It had started in an alley. I sound so stupid already.

_I feel stupid, now that I'm underneath him and have time to reflect on my actions._

This took place after school had let out. I was alone, as usual, walking back home. I should have known better – I'm always getting bullied, why didn't I think better?

There were these thugs. They attacked me so quickly I didn't even realize what was happening until a few moments later. They ripped at my clothes, searching through the pockets for loot. My mind was in a daze… I couldn't even feel any pain as they punched into me. I was too scared to think straight.

Then one of them grabbed my Millennium Puzzle and ripped it away. That was when I truly became afraid. Even though I hated the being inside it, I still knew the value the Puzzle had and I didn't want to lose it.

A small cry from my lips was my only form of resistance as I fell to the ground. Blood seeped out of my nose, but I didn't care. I closed my eyes and listened to the crooks run off. It was then my mind finally realized what had just happened, and it was then my body registered the pain.

I don't know how long I was there.

I tried moving a few times, all in vain. Soon I stopped attempting… it was better this way. I had no friends, no one loved me… this was how it was suppose to end.

Ironic, isn't it? I'm completely against violence and I meet my end through a gang fight. And what's really ironic – I was almost glad.

I would rather be dead.

Don't judge me.

Footsteps echoed in the distance. They grew louder and I knew the person was making their way towards me.

_No._

_No, please._

_Please just go away, please. Let me die, please._

_Please…_

"You should be more careful with this."

My eyes twitched at the familiarity of the voice. Using the little bit of strength left in me, I turned my head up slightly to see him standing over me with my Puzzle in his hands.

"Ryou – " I sputtered.

No. Not Ryou. I knew it the instant I got a good look at his eyes. The spirit of the Millennium Ring was staring back down on me.

I swallowed, and winced at the pain. I wasn't scared. I was as good as dead anyways. What more could he possibly do to me? Although… I was a little upset that he now had my Puzzle. He was my other self's enemy, after all. I suppose a part of me felt a little sorry for him. He didn't deserve to be trapped forever simply because I held a grudge.

Maybe.

I closed my eyes again and let my face hit the ground. My breathing sped up when I felt his hands around my waist. He pulled me off the sidewalk, sitting me down before placing my Puzzle back around my neck. He raised my arms, glancing me over, examining me. My eyelids were half-open as I watched him.

We never spoke as he carried me back to Ryou's home. I didn't struggle, I just let him take me.

What was I suppose to do?

That's how it all started, though. If I had known things were going to end up the way they did… I wouldn't have let him carried me back. Or I might have, I don't know.

I remember him rubbing peroxide on my wounds and placing a few bandages on the cuts.

_I moaned a little too loudly, and I swore I saw him smile._

I remember him walking back with me to my house, but not getting too close, just far enough until I could head over there without being attacked again. I remember waking up the next morning and hoping it was all just a dream. Then I saw my cuts.

That was the day I stopped wearing my Puzzle.

I had to make an excuse for my wounds and why I got home so late. My grandpa didn't seem to believe me, but he didn't question me any further.

As I left for school, I noticed a figure waiting outside. I stopped once I was close enough to see who it was. He turned around to face me.

We didn't say anything. We just stood there, staring at each other. When he figured out I would not budge, he stepped over to me. He placed a hand on my back and gave me a light shove. A gasp escaped my throat but I didn't object.

_He keeps covering me with kisses. I hope he can't feel me shivering._

I walked along side him. I knew he wasn't Ryou, and yet I didn't feel a sense of fear. I was more just confused. Why was he walking with me? Did it have something to do with what had happened last night?

"_You should be more careful with this…"_

He had given the Puzzle back, he had mended my wounds. Now he was walking alongside me. Was he really looking out for me?

No. No, he just wanted to keep the Puzzle safe, that was all. I'm nothing to him.

But then… I always wore the Puzzle around my neck. I can't hide it under my shirt like he does with the Ring. He should've seen that I didn't have it with me.

I never asked, though. There was no need to bring it up. Maybe he thought I had put it in my backpack or something and if I told him I had left it at home, he might get mad.

I really did not want to make him mad…

The walk was, in a word, rather nice. After a couple of blocks, it seemed almost casual. He never said anything to me, and actually hardly even looked at me, but it felt good to have someone walking with me again. It reminded me of walking to school with Anzu, before she had left. Thinking about it made me force back tears.

We parted ways after we had reached the school building. I didn't see him again that day, but he never left my mind. I couldn't shake away the feeling that eyes were on me until I fell asleep that night.

This routine continued for a little while. I never did bring the Puzzle with me, but he still kept coming back. Sure enough, every morning, I'd leave my home and there he would be, standing a block or so away. I liked pretending he was my bodyguard. We still never spoke, but everything seemed to be mutual between us.

I wanted to talk to him, though. I wanted him to be my friend, or at least _pretend_ to be my friend. Just for a little while. Even if he was the enemy. Even if he wasn't going to be here forever.

I was lonely.

_I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Out of instinct, I claw my nails into his back. He likes this, and I can't decide if that makes me happy or not._

Eventually, my other self did confront me about it, though. He visited me in my dreams. We still shared a mind link, after all.

He told me I was behaving foolishly. It was too dangerous.

I argued back. He was different, I told my other self. He wasn't out to hurt me, he was protecting me, unlike you.

His eyes flashed and I saw the hurt in them. But I didn't back down.

I wasn't a child, and I didn't need to be 'told' what to do. We were only walking to school together, that was it. No big deal.

My other self sighed before disappearing. I woke up soon afterwards.

And I still continued to walk with him.

Then one day, he didn't take me to school. I started to suspect it when we took a wrong turn. I tried to speak up, but couldn't find the courage. I didn't dare attempt to run away from him.

We walked down a few more blocks before I finally realized where we were heading. I would have recognized earlier, but the last time I saw these streets I was only halfway conscious.

For some reason, I felt a twinge of fear. He must have sensed this because he suddenly took a firm grip of my forearm. He didn't drag me, though, I was willing to go.

I was scared to fight.

That's my only excuse.

He opened the door to Ryou's home and we stepped in. I felt his grip on me tighten as we headed up the stairs. The entire time, I remained completely passive. I felt so ashamed of myself – I thought I was stronger than this.

Then part of me… part of me said I _wanted_ this. It was better to want this and let it happen than to struggle and regret.

So I let myself want it. I still regret.

He closed the door to Ryou's room by pressing my back against it. I closed my eyes as I felt him push his lips to mine. His hands were cupped around my face, holding me down as he continued to kiss me. Finally, I had to gasp for air, and he took advantage of my opened mouth by shoving his tongue into it.

I whimpered a little, but still he continued. He let go of his grip on my chin with one hand to wrap it around my head, pulling me closer. Perhaps it was instincts, but I felt myself bring my arms up to his neck, enveloping it, wanting to get closer to him.

His lips curled as I started to kiss him back.

_I want this,_ I told myself. _He was there for me when no one else was. I owe him._

He tore off our clothes and took me on the bed. Never once did I open my eyes. If I _saw _this happening, I would have flashbacks of it. Then I would have to admit this was real.

_Traitor. Traitor. Traitor._

_Sleeping with the enemy._

_Traitor. Traitor. Traitor._

I didn't get home until late that night.

I had to make an excuse for why my teachers had called inquiring about my absence. And I had to keep making excuses for why it kept happening.

I had to make excuses for my excuses.

Everyone knew I was lying. Yet, they never tried too hard to get it out of me. Almost as if they themselves didn't _want to believe_ what was going on. This was cute little Yugi we're talking about. Surely _he_ would _never_ do anything so _bad_…

_Traitor. Traitor. Traitor._

Truth is, I don't know _why_ I didn't stop after the first time. I told myself I had wanted it, that I truly _believed_ I had wanted it. And… I still did.

My other self had confronted me one last time about what I was doing. I didn't know for sure how much he knew, but I had a pretty good feeling he was well informed.

Stop this, aibou, he had told me. You are going to get hurt.

You're just jealous… I retorted. I have someone new to protect me.

You know he doesn't care about you.

Nobody does. And it's alright, because I don't care about him.

He's using you.

And I'm using him.

My other self remained emotionless, but we were still connected. I could sense his surprise at my rather sudden change in attitude. We didn't meet again for a long time after that.

But I didn't care.

So everyday I would head out the door, and everyday he would be there. Instead of going to school we would walk back to Ryou's house where he would lock me in the bedroom.

I was finally able to open my eyes during it, because I wanted it to be real. He always gave me a blank stare, but mostly, he didn't look at me. He just nuzzled his face into my neck as he continued to thrust inside me.

It had hurt at first, but I dealt with it. His hands holding me gently and his warm lips covering my body made me forget all my pain.

Everyday, just for a little while, I could forget…

I still wondered if it was worth it, though. But when I see how worried my grandpa is for me, I get a strange satisfaction out of it. Even Anzu came back, once, to check on me. Seeing the sad, pained look in her eyes brought me joy that was too immense for words. Good. That's what she gets for abandoning me. _She_ was the traitor, not me.

Besides, there were no emotions that couldn't be drowned out by his hot kisses.

He actually spoke a few times, while I was writhing under him, but they were mostly just fragmented sentences under his breath. I only caught a few words time to time, the most common one being 'Pharaoh.'

I wondered why he was doing this. After listening to so many little grunts and half-made phrases, I was under the impression that he felt as if he was stealing me from my other self. One time he even made a reference to my virginity. Don't know why he thought I was a virgin, though. Did he truly believe my other self hadn't taken me before? Didn't he understand how strong our bond once was?

Perhaps he didn't want to believe it. Or maybe he just didn't care. I was his now. The Pharaoh had treasured me above all else at one point and I had turned my back on him. This was the ultimate revenge. No matter if the Pharaoh eventually defeated him or not, he would have to go on forever knowing that his ultimate enemy had permanently stained his closest friend.

I knew he felt a sense of dominance over me when once I went over there and he didn't let me go for the entire weekend. It wasn't too hard to keep me in that house – he had hidden my clothes and locked all the doors. He was gone most of that time, maybe that's why he had done it. He wanted me tucked away safe while he wasn't around to watch over me.

Or maybe it was just a fun game. He would do that. He liked that sort of thing.

Still, I had to make an excuse for it.

I never asked him where he was, I just accepted him when he came back and pressed me down into the bed.

I often wonder if this was his revenge on someone besides the Pharaoh. I don't know what his relationship with Ryou was like, but every so often he would call out his host's name when he climaxed. I never brought it up afterwards… he wouldn't talk about it anyways.

But I never once thought he was doing this because he loved me. Sure, I sometimes wished it, who wouldn't? But I knew it wasn't true. I'm not that naive. He would never – _could never_ – love me.

I was just another treasure for him to steal.

The King of Thieves.

As long as I remained connected to the Pharaoh, he wouldn't kill me. That would ruin this little game we had going.

I was never scared. In fact, that's what scared me the most – the fact that I wasn't scared. I was treading in deep water here and I remained apathetic.

I should be scared.

Shouldn't I?

I don't know.

And I have no excuse.

I just knew that coming back to him meant I wouldn't be alone. I didn't care about my grandpa, my friends who were starting to worry about me again, my other self, or even Ryou.

No, I take it back. I do feel sorry for Ryou. He's been alone as long as I have. He's more alone now than I am. Yet I was using his body to take away my depression, even for a short while.

It scared me how much I didn't care, and how regret would consume me once this had all finally ended.

One day I woke up in his bed and he wasn't there.

He had left me in Ryou's house all alone, clothes in plan sight, doors unlocked.

Why, I don't know.

I just know he was gone without an excuse.

**You know what pisses me off? When people, in reviews, write something along the lines of 'I don't like this pairing, but the fic is still good.' That's so rude, pure and simple. Especially when most of the time, the author CLEARLY WRITES OUT what the pairing in the fic is going to be!**

**Nobody puts a fic on the web just to hear people talk about how much they dislike their pairing. Nobody.**

**PS: I hate writing first person…**


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